if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
