Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
