whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
