never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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