i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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