Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
