hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am one with the molecules
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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