I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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