bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
