R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
