dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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