But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
