Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
