i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
