Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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