I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
