I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
