Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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