eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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