I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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