farters have to be the big spoon...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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