Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
