I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
