Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
