I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
