alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
