i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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