I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
