I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
