well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
