I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
