I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
