I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
