so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
