best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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