reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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