He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
