turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
