i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
