She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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