So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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