No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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