Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
