oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
