you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
