it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
