Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This is my gift to your gina
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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