he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found puke in my bra..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
