Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
