You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
