we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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