i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
