Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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